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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29574960">Lost Cause (RoTTMNT Fanfic)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valdixx/pseuds/Valdixx'>Valdixx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt Leonardo (TMNT), Hurt Raphael (TMNT), Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:14:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,609</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29574960</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valdixx/pseuds/Valdixx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the traumatic loss of Mikey, the rest has to cope with the incredible pain of loss.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I love you guys...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Hey- HEY! Mikey stay awake!" Donnie yelped, seeing the box turtle struggle with the increasing weight of his eyelids. Mikey's vision was getting blurry. Everything was a big blur. It was like waterpaint was thrown together in a beautiful swirl of colors. </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey! This is the first time I'm going to take writing a fanfic seriously, soooooo I hope it's good!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"C'mon Mikey! Y-you're gonna be fine!" The taller turtle shakingly leaned over the shorter one, hands covered in red blood as pressure was applied to the wound. Tears peaking out of both sets of eyes,  overflowing and streaming down their faces.</p><p>"Dee.." Mikey, the shorter turtle on the ground, could barely get the word out before a choked cough cut him off, blood spattering out uncontrollably. </p><p>"You'll be fine! I'm gonna fix you! I'll fix you!" A nervous smile quivered as it tried to stay in place. Donnie's mind raced. What the hell was he going to do? What <em>could</em> he do? It was useless, but it was his brother for crying out loud. He had to try <em>something. Impulsively pressuring the wound as if it would help. </em></p><p>Another turtle stepped closer, wearing a red bandana with tails dancing in the whispering wind. Although the cloth was quickly removed and hovered above Mikey's wound. "Donnie! Can you wrap this around the wound? Maybe it'll help?" Raph's voice was cracking, quivering and gagging. The color of the seemingly never-ending blood was as red as his own signature color. It made him want to rip his knee and elbow pads off, tear his bandana into a million pieces. But that wasn't his focus. <em>His focus was on his dying brother.</em></p><p>Donnie glanced at the bandana, his hands locked on the wound while he shook his head "I- I.. No. No, no that wouldnt work! Are you blind?!" The purple turtle lashed out, his thoughts piling higher than the clouds in the dark night sky. He didn't mean to shout, he didn't want to be rude, but there was no time to apologize and make up. <em>His focus was on his dying brother.</em></p><p>Leo leaned against a wall, or... More like intertwining with the wall. The stress of the situation made him unconciously pressure himself against the cold bricks. He wanted to get away, get the sick sight away from him forever. His lungs burned and his heart beated as if he just ran a marathon, even though he couldn't move a single inch. Nevertheless, his eyes managed to overwork themselves. Sprinting left to right, from Donnie, to Mikey, to Raph and back to Mikey. As Donnie snapped at Raph, Leo could see the hurt in his bigger brothers eyes, together with his mass of a body crippling together. He took a short breath, and another one, followed by another one and so on. His lungs still aching and his heart still hastily pumping blood. </p><p>
  <em>blood.</em>
</p><p>His younger was losing blood. Not to mention his twin was covered in it. His purple gloves, elbow pads, knee pads and bandana covered in ounces of blood. At this point they shouldn't even be concidered purple anymore.</p><p>He wanted to crack a joke, lighten the mood. But what was there to joke about? He had to do something. But he had nothing to offer. Had he ever? He wondered. </p><p>Leo squeezed his eyes shut. His expression as if he just drank lemon juice. <strong>Concentrate Leo.</strong> He thought. He looked at Mikey once more. <em>His focus was on his dying brother. </em></p><p>The orange turtle's smile had faded a long time ago. He was in extrucional pain,  grasping onto Donnies arm as he barely breathed. </p><p>Mikey was squinting, trying to not scream in pain as he didn't want to show his brother's what he was feeling, not that he was able to in the first place: His mouth was filled with the disgusting, iron taste of thick red liquid. In his mind he begged for it to just stop already, but the blood mercilessly kept coming.</p><p>Time passed by. He was dying fast, but it felt like he was in agony for God knows how long. He could feel his lung get filled with blood, stealing it away from his nervous system. The thick liquid slowly squeezing it's way through and slither down his throat as he coughed it back out. </p><p>He wanted to be positive, maybe crack a joke like Leo would, to calm everyone down and motivate the team to keep going! He wanted to be smart, look at the facts, like Donnie would. Figure out a solution! Or be strong like Raph! With a shell and skin almost unbreakable. </p><p>But he was non of that.</p><p>He was a box turtle.</p><p>Smallest of them all. </p><p>Vulnerable, young, soft, clumsy, dumb, weak, and pathetic. </p><p>Nothing about this situation could be turned positive. Not now, not ever. Would there even be an ever for him? </p><p>Leo stared frightened, he wanted to do something. But he couldn't move. He wanted to say something but his damn mouth was shut tight. Something. he begged himself. SOMETHING FOR HIS FUCKING BROTHER. Another breath, they just kept coming as if it was a competition about which breath would come first. His eyes darted again, to Donnie. He said something. </p><p>"Hey- HEY! Mikey stay awake!" Donnie yelped, seeing the box turtle struggle with the increasing weight of his eyelids. Mikey's vision was getting blurry. Everything was a big blur. It looked like waterpaint was thrown together into a beautiful swirl of colors. </p><p>Finally, something positive. Maybe.. if he closed his eyes the colors would be even prettier? <strong>Yeah, that sounds nice... </strong>Mikey smiled on the inside. He felt his body go numb. Number than before. The screaming pain in his chest became only a soft whisper. </p><p><em>He felt calmer</em>. The uncomfortable nagging for oxygen in his lungs started to dissappear, giving him an oddly soothing feeling.</p><p><em>He felt comfortable</em>.</p><p>He closed his eyes. The swirl of colors was gone but... That was okay. The black sight was pleasant too. Or was it white? Honestly, it didn't matter to him.</p><p>Mikey wanted to say something, he knew his brothers we're there. Knowing his loved ones we're always going to be close made him happy. Mikey tried to open his mouth but with no avail, he was too comfortable... Too relaxed... Too numb... So he just thought. Maybe his brothers could hear him? Either way, he thought.</p><p>
  <strong>I love you guys...</strong>
</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Leo flinched, he saw Mikey's body go numb. <strong>No, it couldn't be... </strong> he tried to convince himself. His foot finally moved, one step... and another... </p><p>
  <strong>Faster. FASTER.</strong>
</p><p>He screamed to himself. If you could have volume in your head, his tampanum and eardrums would be shattered. </p><p>Before he knew it he was sitting down beside the motionless body. His knees drenched in blood. "Mikey." He whimpered, his mind not able to process the fact his brother just <em>died</em> in front of his eyes. He repeated himself. "Mikey.." and again "Mikey...!" Sobs started escaping as he kept whimpering for his brother to give him a sign of life. He didn't dare to touch the body, scared to feel the cold touch of death.</p><p>Donnie had already felt it. Sure, turtle's are cold-blooded and sure, it was cold outside. But it felt <em>different. </em>For the first time in the nerve-wracking scene his mind was quiet. It was completely blank. What was he supposed to think about? Then he sharply inhaled, his mind rebooted and the cogwheels twisting into each other. He slowly slid his hands of the wound, letting them fall into their casual positions. Although, <em>nothing</em> about the situation was 'casual'</p><p>"He... He's dead..." Donnie silently announced.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wowie that was fun to write! Criticism is appreciated!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Blame</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"He's dead Raph! We can't do anything about it!" Leo squirmed out, tightly grabbing ahold of his own arm. Raph turned his head, relieving the small frame from the violent rattling.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"He... He's dead..." Donnie announced</em>
</p><p>everyone fell quiet, losing their voices in complete horror. Donnie checked the body's heartbeat, applying light pressure to the veins in Mikey's neck. "We lost him... I.." Donnie could die right here, right now. The bitter feeling slicing part of his heart away. His soul evidently dying a little.</p><p><em>It was his</em> fault.</p><p>
  <strong>It's my fault.. I killed him. I wasn't thinking straight, I panicked, I didn't think of a solution to.. to help him! To save him.. I killed Mikey.</strong>
</p><p>Donnie gasped, his breaths shivered as he covered his mouth. On the outside he looked emotionless, a force of habit because of his usual bad boy act. But his streaming tears, widened eyes and shivering pupils showed he was in emotional pain.</p><p>Raph stood up, his feet felt weaker than ever. He grabbed the body tightly, the fragile frame bending to fit his big hands. "HE'S NOT DEAD! WE JUST HAVE TO.. AGH! HE JUST CAN'T!" In anger and terror, Raph didn't even notice he was shaking Mikey's former living body. He was loosing his sanity, rambling in disbelief and making no sense. Raph lost a piece of himself, his little bundle of sunshine that was always playful and bubbly</p><p>"He's dead Raph! We can't do anything about it!" Leo squirmed out, tightly grabbing ahold of his own arm. Raph turned his head, relieving the small frame from the violent rattling.</p><p>"How can you say that?!" Raph yelled, frowning at the blue turtle. </p><p>"What-! How can <span class="u"><em>you</em></span> say that?! I'm just being logical while you're making no sense!" Leo defended, body language frantically backing him up. </p><p>"He's just trying to process this Leo." Donnie replied agitated as he saw Raph sweat nervously. His stink waving in the air. "We all are Donnie! But that gives him no right to shake Mikey's body and speak like that!" Leo groaned, the overwhelming feeling blocking the filter on his mouth. </p><p>"I'm just saying! Maybe we can still save him! Stuff his brains in a robot or something! Or make him a metal heart! Right Dee?" Raph asked desperately. His eyes beading with slight hope. Adjusting the husk to be carried properly in his arms.</p><p>"Well uhm..." Donnie stuttered. He couldn't, ofcourse he couldn't. Wiring the nervous system with copper strings was impossible, let alone the coding! Then again, even if it would be possible, the skin parts would dry out, and with no ability to regenerate his tissue nor have blood streaming around... It was impossible.</p><p>But Raph's glaze was unbearable to witness, making it hard for Donnie to admit that he couldn't bring their brother back alive. The snapping turtle had so little yet strong hope that Mikey could he brought back. It pained Donnie to watch. Analyzing the situation, both answers resulting in a terrible consequences.</p><p>"That's insane Raph! Having Mikey around as a cyborg is going to be like taking S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N as our new brother! It won't feel the same! Besides he can't be brought back!" Leo stood up, facing the bigger turtle.</p><p>"You don't know that!" Raph screamed hysterically.</p><p>"HE WAS SHOT, RAPH." Leo clenched his fists, sweat in his palms soaking through the cloth of his gloves.</p><p>"He was SHOT right through his hyoplastron! Straight into his lung by that damned human!" Leo raised his voice more, tears escaping his eyes again, surprisingly, more than before.</p><p>Raph couldn't deny it. Falling silent yet again as Leo continued his tyrant.</p><p>"Because that stupid plastron was in the way, WE-! WE COULDN'T TREAT THAT WOUND AND <em>HE BLED TO DEATH!</em>" His voice raised with every word that escaped his mouth.</p><p>Somehow, the description of Mikey's cause of death helped acknowledging the fact that the orange turtle was gone. Raph slowly glanced down at the corpse. His sobs messingly going up and down as he hugged Mikey, collapsing onto his knees.</p><p>The otherwise silent alley was filled with sobs. 3 turtles and two decomposing bodies.</p><p>One corpse held tightly and cherished by his brothers.</p><p>and one silently rotting in the background, formerly belonging to the human that shot Mikey, gun about 2 feet away and with It's blood already turned to a browner shade.</p><p>---</p><p>2 gun shots, eyes jerking towards the loud scream faster than lighting when Raph looked into the alley, quick steps scattering upon the ground followed by trashcans loudly crashing onto the cold pavement. creating a horrific composition of sounds. One that no one would ever want to hear. Raph hadn't even noticed, but soon found himself being in the air, going right for the human with his fist full-force towards his target. Bones crippled together, blasted backwards by the blow. Somehow, the crunch under Raph's fist came as oddly satisfying, like crushing a can of soda.</p><p>Reflecting now, he was unsure how to feel about his murder. One side of him wanted to puke knowing he was the cause of someones death. Who knew if the human had children? A family, expecting him to come home by morning? Raph wouldnt be any better than that human in this case, so why would he be allowed to act out so cruelly, let alone be the one alive?</p><p>On the other side, he deserved it. He deserved to suffer, right? Why wouldn't he? That bastard killed his brother. One less creature to spread harm for the sake of spreading harm. There was no excuse for the human's action. This whole riot was the fault of all humans anyway. Seeking out yokai and mutants for testing, protests of fearful humans who were afraid of being overthrown by the minority. Raph had every right to kill the human, his reasons were valid; He convinced himself. </p><p>Either way, he blamed himself for the cause of Mikey's death. <em>He failed to protect him</em>. Failed to be there for him. If he had just payed more attention then Mikey would've been alive smiling happily. They would've been home eating pizza with their pops.</p><p>Donnie had gone straight for Mikey, rightiously overthinking the situation. He didn't need to look twice to see the gunshot was fatal, blood already gushing out with no way to stop. He cursed at himself, whimpering as he saw his younger brother bleed out while trying to stay strong. <strong>That moron..!</strong> Donnie cried out to himself. How could Mikey still try to keep up his big guy charade in that state?</p><p>For a moment Donnie had wondered if Mikey might've been stronger than everyone thought, but quickly shook it off to go back to saving Mikey. Or atleast, try to. Tears escaped his eyes and fell onto his brother, interwining with the blood. Donnie moved his hands to the gunwound and tried closing the gap to prevent the blood from spilling but it had no use as it just drenched his gloves and slithered between his fingers. The plastron prevented him from directly pressuring the skin. He knew covering the gap in the front-shell would just pressure the blood in spewing out with more pressure, but it was all he could do.</p><p>Leo jumped down from one of the rooftops that shaped the alley, unsure what he had thrown himself into he glanced at Raph, witnessing the gory sight of a murder scene. He landed, barely balancing himself from shock. A shiver running down his shell, <strong>What the hell?! Raph?! </strong>He thought, disoriented. Thinking he just saw the worst thing possible he gazed over to Donnie and Mikey, had they seen it too? </p><p>His question immediately got answered. No. Donnie was busy keeping Mikey alive. Leo trembled, his heart sank deeper than the titanic as he stood there, completely frozen. Joking was out of the question, even if he had plenty of them to lighten the mood right then and there, he knew it wasnt the time. Leo wanted to shout out to Mikey, but when he tried to he realised he couldn't move anything: his arms, legs, mouth, vocal chords. It felt like his heart had stopped aswell but he was bound to live enough to experience this. </p><p>He didn't want to look, it hurt. So his eyes darted to Raph which in hindsight was a terrible ideas. It almost seemed like Savage Raph had taken over before he had dashed to Mikey, confirming he did recognize his family and had not gone on a rampage.</p><p>All this time, Leo was unable to move. 1 minute passed, 2, 5, 10, 20...</p><p>Slowly seeing his brother die in front of him, while his other brothers screamed and hysterically tried to <em>do something</em>.</p><p>It hit him. It really did. How could he not help his brother? He could've teleported them to a hospital, or an animal doctor, Splinter? April? Draxum?! No one counted on him. Ofcourse, makes sense. He struggled with his odachi and they couldn't afford to make a mistake. Did they even concider asking Leo for help? It wouldn't even matter, he couldn't move anyway. <strong>I have to help him. Just move your <em>fucking </em>legs. Say something, throw your odachi, anything! I can help him..! I-I can safe him! I can... I </strong></p><p>"He... He's dead..."</p><p>Leo moved. Did it even matter though? He was too late. </p><p>Leo perked up, clenching his fists together as if he was holding on for dear life, ironically. His feet entering the bloodpool his brothers were at.</p><p>"Mikey..?" </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Its my fault I killed him I could've saved him if I wasn't such a whimp. It's my fault. I killed him I failed. I should've tried harder.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Leo hadn't known he was continiously calling out to Mikey until Raph snatched the body and started shaking it.</p><p>Within their argument, Leo could only think about how badly he had messed up. Blame the gunwound, not him. The wound was fatal, that was a fact. He wasn't lying. But he still blamed himself. </p><p>He wanted to stop talking, move on from the subject, forget about all the chaos. Push it down, make it vanish, no matter how much he tried though, his feelings couldn't be drowned.out.</p><p>---</p><p>The sobbing quieted down, all the turtles felt exhausted from the waterworks. Donnie bit his lip, the iron taste of blood making his stumach turn but relentlessly making him bite harder. While alone in his lab or room, Donnie developed the habit of physically beating himself up. Scratching or punching his own arm, making his lip bleed, hitting his head... It was a way to correct himself, he had made himself believe. Normally he wouldn't show this behaviour in front of his brother as he was aware they wouldn't (especially Raph) condone it, but he had to gather himself together again. Correct himself. The others were busy struggling with their own emotions so his behaviour went unnoticed anyway. </p><p>"Pops..." Raph softly said, yanking his head up to his companions with tears glimmering in the moonlight. "What.. What are we going to tell dad..?" His voice sounded weak as he glanced from Leo to Donnie.</p><p>Donnie stared back. Dumbfounded. How did they not think of that earlier? What <em>were</em> they going to tell Splinter? The thought spiraled around his head, echoing against his skull causing a minor headache. <strong>Hey dad! We're back from protecting the yokai! Oh? Where Mikey is? Glad you asked, he's dead papa! </strong>Donnie groaned by the thought, there was no way of bringing the news over in a mild way. Splinter was going to be devastated like them. How else would he react? </p><p>"Ouch!" Donnie yelped, Raphs hand tightly grabbing his hand. "Why did you-..!" He cut himself off, realising he had been violently scratching and pinching his arm, skin red and pounding of a burning sensation. How did he not notice earlier? He felt stupid. Dee looked up to his brother, the size difference and dissapointed, worried and angry glare of his brother made him uncomfortable. </p><p>Raph let go of the hand, his palm sweating from the heat of the two gloves combined. blood had merged with the fabric and the bigger turtle felt nauseous knowing Mikey's blood was on him, he glanced at Donnie, how was he not throwing up? He was the one that was <em>completely</em> drenched. Maybe he didn'rt notice? Only then did Raph grasp onto the fact that he hadn't had his mask on for a while now. Not that he wanted to, his own signature color made him <em>sick.</em></p><p>The snapping turtle stood up, he gazed over to Mikey's corpse and tensed up. He didn't want to see it. But...</p><p>"Should we bring him with us..?" He looked back at his brothers. Leo perked back up, resting his chin on his knees. He felt cold and warm at the same time. The cold from outside was pinching him here and there but the overwhelming feelings made him sweat from nervousness. "We don't have much of a choice... We can't just leave him here to <em>rot....</em>" The blue brother replied, his eyes locked on the body. "I'll carry him with my battle shell, so no one needs to touch it." Donnie said, as he had partly regained his strength. He hadn't used much energy in the fights before, anyway. His battle shell did most of the work, and by the looks of it the damage was minimal and the battery enough to get him and Mikey back home.</p><p>"Or i teleport us?" Leo suggested. He wanted to help and not stand by doing nothing like earlier. His breath got imbalanced just by thinking about that he was useless. His muscles tensed up to the point where it hurt, he tried his best to hide it but nevertheless Raph caught on to it. </p><p>"I think it's better if we go for Donnie's plan. You're.. Too emotionally unstable to cast a 100% fail proof portal to pops." He tried to bring it over as soft as possible yet Leo flinched, pained by the fact he was useless once again. He slowly nodded in understanding as Donnie signaled his tech to extract his 4 metal arms.</p><p>They all watched the tech-turtle stroll to the body who couldn't find it in him to look for more than 2 seconds. His enhancements grabbed the figure and held it in a comforting cradle position.</p><p>"All set to go." Donnie's voice, monotone than ever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope this wasn't too short :')<br/>I'm bad at making chapter titles lmAo-</p><p>Again, criticism is appreciated!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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